Reality fatigue.

The last few days have been hard on me. I can’t say hard work because that would be a little bit of a stretch that I would be brought to book for. No matter how hard I work, I do not feel that I am making progress. Things are getting done but they are just replaced by more stuff that needs doing.

I am looking for a job and I am looking for a new way to live my life. My plan had been to set up a business. This involved buying some machinery. This I did a few months ago. Then it never turned up. Whilst I got money back I am not sure I have the emotional capacity to go through it again. Actually this is the third machine I have ordered, The first never got dispatched and the second arrived but didn’t work. If I was a believer in fate then I would be telling myself that this was the world trying to tell me something.

Well I don’t believe in fate. I truly believe that there is no fate but what you make. On days like today, when the problems seem to repeat themselves, I still believe that. The universe is not out to get me, it’s just that when you order stuff from China you should expect it to go wrong. The trouble is that it has left me feeling emotionally fatigued. I want this and I don’t want to work for somebody else again.

If you were here with me right now you would be kicking my arse after rolling your eyes. Maybe you would be fairly gentle about it but you would be letting me know what the right thing to do was. Right now I could do with some of that because right here and now I am doubting my resolve.

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