Doing the Right Thing.

You both gave me the desire to do the right thing. When I was very little that was mostly out of fear. Not that I would get a spanking it was more that I feared disappointing you. As I got older and now that you have passed on it has become more about disappointing myself. I wish it was as easy as Being the Seagull.

My moral compass is really profound. If I ever give advice to anyone the phrase I always use is “Do the right thing”. Doing the right thing has become my mantra in all things. Things need to be done and they need to be done for the best. Letting anyone down has become perhaps my worst fear. The trouble is that it gets in the way of living my life.

Right now the biggest problems I have are all caused by me doing the right thing. It is costing me time, money and people I care about. At the moment it is getting in the way of me earning a living. This is getting in the way of living a life and maintaining a relationship.

So here I am. On a lot of levels I like my life but on a lot of levels it is really beginning to suck. Doing the right thing is making me more and more isolated. If I had any sense I should change things. Every time I have opted to do the wrong thing people have gotten hurt. The situation I am in currently means that everybody loses but if I chose to do anything about it I will hurt people pretty badly. All the options I have are pretty drastic. Whilst not quite thermonuclear they are certainly going to have a big impact one one person if I go one way or someone else if I go the other.

If there was anyone reading this I would ask for advice but I think that no one is.

In the meantime it sucks to be me.

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